not getting the part

sometimes it seems i live my life through my children.  when they want something worthwhile badly enough, i want it too.  Cam recently had auditions for her school play.  [background:  her school does a huge production every year and it is directed by a professional actor.  this is only her second year at this school so she has only had one year with the play.  she was a hotbox dancer in guys and dolls last year, a background girl.  this year, she thought since she is an 8th grader, she would go out with a bang and go for a leading role.] 
the school is doing seussical this year, so i had been researching the parts.  i determined that the best role for cam would be gertrude.  she and her friends agreed.  she chose one of gertrude's songs to sing at her audition.  i never saw or heard her practice, but she told me she had.  the night before the audition i asked to hear her song so i could tell her what changes needed to be made, if any. (she has a great voice so i knew i wouldn't have to critique much) she refused to sing for me despite my begging and teetering on demanding it be done by force.  but i digressed for the moment and tried not to think about it anymore.  the next morning, the day of the audition, i was antsy again and tried to get her to sing for me again.  i even got dad in on it and tried to get him to talk her into singing for us but we failed.  so i sent her off with a "have a good day, sing loudly!"  i could not wait to pick her up from school to find out how she did.  as soon as she was in the car- "how did it go? did you sing loud? did anyone else sing a song from the play? how did you do?!!!"  she said she thought she did okay, but all of her friends assured her that she was great.  i asked her again to show me how she did it, and again i hit a wall of resistance, and again, i let it go.  the next day i get a phone call from the co-director saying that cam was great- she has a beautiful voice and they were thinking of doing a call back for her to do a reading, but wanted to know how well she could handle a large role.  cam has no issues with performing in front of crowds [just me], and she could handle a large role with ease, i said.  so the director took that information down and told me not to mention this call to cam just in case things went in a different direction.  i. was. so. excited!!!  later, when i talked to cam i asked her if she knew how things worked with auditions if they liked you.  she said yeah, they call you back for a reading.   i told her that if she wasn't going to sing for me then at least promise me that if she gets a call back that she wouldn't just read the lines, but put some acting into it.  (i sooo want to control this girl- what is my deal?!!)  she says mom, i know, i know!!!  that night she got the official call back.  she. was. so. excited!!  she went back to do the reading the next day after school and when i went inside to pick her up, everyone was telling me how she was so good, and how they love her voice, all encouraging things.  i was pretty certain the part was hers.  until i got the phone call later that evening that she didn't.  the co-director called me on my cell while i was out and told me the news.  i was devastated, but i was trying to only sound a little disappointed on the phone.  she told me that cam was great, so they wanted to give her a choice between two other roles they had.  i couldn't speak for cam so i gave her cam's cell phone number so she could call her.  i drove straight home wondering what kind of state i would find cam in since i myself wanted to break down into tears when i heard the news.  it was like i was up for the part myself and didn't get it.  i wanted it so badly for her, it would have been so great!  when i got home she was crying while doing her chores.  i knew she had gotten the call.  i gave her a big ol hug and told her i knew how she felt.  she was hurt, and a little angry too.  i asked her which role she chose from the two they offered her and it turns out that neither role was even a speaking role!!  she's another girl in the background just like last year!  my hurt turned to anger too!  i wanted to say just quit- all of those hours dedicated to practicing after school, for what?  not even a step up from what she did last year?  but i am not raising a sore loser so i will not encourage that.  she will do the part she chose and do it to the best of her ability.  i think i was most angry because people were so encouraging, and building us up and i totally got the 'big head'.  "my daughter's going to be gertrude, in seussical-how wonderful!"
i realize now that i wanted it too much, and instead i should have been preparing her and not having her get her hopes up.  but my hopes were right up there with hers.  i should have kept her grounded.  i should have guarded her feelings, but i was so worried about my own.  if i had she wouldn't be so sad right now.